Submitted by Michaela Williams, MSW, LCSW
NorthLakes Community Clinic
“The parent-child connection is the most powerful mental health intervention known to mankind.” – Bessel van der Kolk
As a mom myself, I know being a parent is hard work! This month is Children’s Mental Health Awareness Month and I thought it’d be nice to dedicate some time to mental wellness. More specifically, I thought it might be helpful to share the fascinating connection between emotions and the body, specifically the nervous system.
First, let us pause for a moment and take a breath, put one hand on your heart, one hand on your stomach, and imagine someone who warms your heart. Let your mind be filled with this thought: I am worthy of love and belonging. Do you notice your mind settles and your body feels safe in the space you are in? This is because you took a moment to be present with your nervous system.
As grownups, we are under constant pressure to manage the stressors of everyday life. Correspondingly, our kids’ nervous systems can also become easily overwhelmed because their brains are still developing, and they are constantly adapting and processing everything happening around them. Good or bad, all behaviors are a form of communication.
“Human beings are not born with self-control. We have to learn what to do with the mad that we feel. Learning to control ourselves is a long, hard process. It happens little by little. In fact, it is something we work on all through our lives.” Mr. Rogers.
The primary job of our nervous system is to keep us safe from perceived threats. When we feel disconnected, overwhelmed, or scared, our nervous system may get dysregulated. When we are dysregulated, we can’t think or respond like we normally do. Instead, our nervous system reacts so quickly we are not even aware of it. This is because our nervous system is reacting from our survival brain (Fight, Flight, or Freeze) and not our thinking brain. The graphic explains how a dysregulated nervous system shows up as the stress response in kids.
So, what makes our nervous system feel safe and regulated? Feeling like we BELONG. We can regulate when we feel connected and as parents, this gives us a beautiful opportunity to practice “Connection before Correction.”
Other ways to calm our nervous systems are moving our bodies, slowly breathing with someone or on our own, naming the feeling we are experiencing at that moment, telling ourselves “I am safe and everything is okay right now,” and connecting with nature, listening to music, writing or drawing, humming, and getting a hug from someone we love.
As parents, we can also implement the 90-second rule, which comes from the work of neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor. The first 90 seconds after an upsetting event are crucial for choosing who we want to be and how we present ourselves. When you wait a full 90 seconds in response to the situation confronting you, you can avoid getting caught up in the loop of thoughts that further stimulate your emotions. We can let the flood of stress hormones wash through us, then move on.
Emotions are not scary. They are manageable and can help us live a more authentic life. It’s important to give ourselves grace as we navigate this with our children. Generationally emotions were not a priority to discuss, and we were never taught the skills to regulate our own emotions. With love and patience, we can unpack our baggage, so our kids don’t have to.
Children do not enter this world with bad intentions. Children offer us information, and if we’re courageous enough to listen to the information, we can attune to their inner experiences. We can perceive their behavior as communication, not as manipulation. Children, like all human beings, feel more cooperative when they are treated with respect and kindness.
By fostering environments that promote emotional expression, resilience, and support, we can empower children to thrive despite life’s adversities. Together, let us strive to create a future where every child feels seen, heard, and valued, where their mental health is prioritized, and their potential is limitless. We are all worthy of love and belonging.
Michaela Williams is a Behavioral Health Therapist based at NorthLakes Community Clinic – Hurley. To schedule an appointment with a Behavioral Health Therapist, please call 888.834.4551.
